A Dangerously Close Brush with Middle America

From my hotel room I can see multiple 100-yard tall gas and Denny's signs [so as to see them from the highway].  Yes, semi-rural Kentucky has depressingly few charms.  I am oddly unnerved by the near ubiquitous white-ness here, though I did afford myself of the opportunity to eat frog legs at a Chinese restaurant.  Fun.  I often wonder who buys Nickelback albums or who makes up Bush's approval rating.  I may have found the answer.  Think True Stores, or that one country scene from Vacation but less endearing.

Now, I don't mean to slur fat ladies at Wal-Mart.  It is a certain lifestyle [the rural sprawl lifestyle, that is, of which fat, female and Wal-Mart-patronizing is merely a subset], and that's fine.  However, I've realized that, akin to Woody Allen's character in Manhattan, I can't function if I'm not within a twenty-mile radius of a reliable source of prosciutto  [for instance].  Grape Rd at ND felt similar in that it is a desiccated hull of the human experience; chain restaurants interspersed with a Chili's, Barnes & Noble, and Target.  [None of these ever so slightly less soul-sucking institutions, however, did I notice in Hardin County.]

So, I'm not trying to be hateful, and from a day to day living standpoint, I get along with sprawl ok - I'm from Northern Virginia and I like it.  If these places have to exist, I need some balance in the form of  the awesome south Indian place next to the K-Mart or pseudo-intellectual chatter down the hall from my dorm room.  In short, I'm thankful to be able to think about things, learn about stuff, and eat weird food.  Like, um, kinda-sorta Chinese frog legs.

Good Things About Home Alone 2

Home Alone 2, although inferior to the original, is still a solid Christmas film and has held a special place in my heart ever since I saw it on my birthday in 1993. Even though Culkin is older, and thus less cute, the more ridiculous stunts and much crazier crazy person stretch plausibility, and the plot parallels to the original are egregiously lazy, there are a few moments which make Home Alone 2 goofy and goodhearted enough to be worthwhile.

The Talkboy

When Home Alone 2 came out, suddenly every annoyingly precocious pre-teen boy on the block wanted this incredible invention, including me. Just imagine the possiblities!! You could use this convenient handheld device to easily deceive, humiliate, or otherwise confuse adults into submission with the touch of a button. Kevin operated this baby like a genius and made every nine year old kid feel like he could be James Bond or something. Except for one problem: it isn't really that different from an ordinary tape recorder. Most people aren't stupid enough to confuse a voice coming out of a tape recorder with a real voice and are probably going to be pretty judicious about what they say when they know the little prick with the tape recorder is probably going to play back your voice at Chipmunk-pitch. Not to mention the fact that magnetic tapes are absolutely worthless. It's impossible to start and stop the thing exactly where you want it and if Home Alone 2 took place in reality, it's pretty likely he'd tape over anything useful with another totally random recording of game show commercials.

Catherine O'Hara

I couldn't find a picture of Catherine O'Hara from Home Alone 2. But she's great. I know that in this post-American Pie era, the term milf is used for people like Pamela Anderson, I guess. And while I think it's a pretty stupid term myself, I'm not going to deny that I have a thing for Catherine O'Hara in the Home Alone movies. Is this tendency hopelessly weird? Probably, yes. But she still looks good in the movies, is still hysterical in comedic roles, and I'm not going to try to justify myself any further. Also note that the top hit for Google search string "milf wiki" is the wiki page for "Milf Hunter." Presented without comment.

Joe Pesci

I spent most of my young life knowing Joe Pesci as the tough burglar from Home Alone. What I didn't realize at the time was that Pesci was basically typecast as a badass fucking mobster. The same dude from Goodfellas and who was even a villain in Moonwalker, yes, that Moonwalker, was suddenly laying down for a kindergartener. It's basically taken the entire rest of my life for me to rehabilitate my personal image of Joe Pesci to the point where I can watch a movie with him in it without automatically thinking of Home Alone. After long hours of Joe Pesci-related therapy, however, I believe I am cured. Finally, I can watch Lethal Weapon in peace... or I might not.

Ok, so looking back it seems that other than the Talkboy, maybe there isn't that much to distinguish the two movies. The second one is also good for the ass grab scene [comedic gold], the pretty absurd fact that almost every major character except the cop that helps Catherine O'Hara at the end is white [in fucking New York, no less], and just the general insanity of Kevin finding shelter with a crazy homeless woman who hasn't spoken to anyone in years. Yeah, come to think of it, the original is way better than this one. Never mind.

A Christmas Classic

What is it about the Nintendo 64 kid that resonates with me so deeply?  Yea, obviously, as a total Nintendo obsessive, I loved the hell out of my flawed Nintendo 64 when it first came out.  I preordered it.  I counted down the days.  I played Mario 64 in Toys R Us like mad in the days before the actual system came out.  I even bought that really lame Star Wars game that came out in the first few months of the system.  So yea, I loved the Nintendo 64 so I do see a bit of myself in the kid, but it's more than just that.  Is it his contrived over-enthusiasm?  His total disdain for the RC Car?  His sister's mimcry?  Yea, it's all those things but also, it's the internet-made remixes of the original video.

This one puts a Final Fantasy spin on the video, and is therefore awesome.  Here's one mixing up a familiar tune.  My favorite one, though, combines the N64 kid with Smash Bros... the timing of the flash is just perfect and it seems fitting that an awesome symbol of Nintendo fanaticism gets eternal glory as a Smash Bros. character.

Which reminds me. Smash Bros is going to be... so sick.  Somebody get me a Wii.  Quickly.

What eventually became of the kid?  You can find out here.  Also, I heard he put up his N64 for sale on Ebay... smart kid.

Also, for some more thinking man's Nintendo humor... meet Bobama.

Once

[+]

- Like a teleporter back to Dublin

- Nearly completely diegetic music [nice, for a musical]

- Utterly adorable Czech girl

[-]

- A bit simple minded, even for a really inexpensively made film

- Kind of super sweet-cute; Care Bears on Grafton Street

- Songs can drag on without diverse images to sustain them [streets of Dublin are only so interesting]

RIYL: Irish "tings," high sugar tolerance, indie rock musicals

Bests/Worsts

Best sound: Wood bat hitting ball. Clichéd but true.
Close second: Champagne cork popping. [Equally clichéd but equally true.]

Worst sound: Balloons rubbing together.

Most legit costume party accessory: Crazy glasses.

Best internet meme: Seemingly normal photo that focuses your attention and then scares the shit out of you. [Seriously old school]

Best Airhead flavor: Watermelon, no contest.

Underrated luxury: Nice glassware.
Overrated luxury: New socks.

Most unexpectedly okay album 14+ months after the fact: Sam's Town.

1 1/2+ months after the fact: Blackout.

Most important thing for a pop song to reference in order to appear vital: Myspace

Least legit thing to reference in conversation: Incompleteness theorem.

Most amusing Wikipedia entry: "A February 2007 profile of [Brody] Jenner in Details magazine, which was based on interviews both with Jenner and former manager Spencer Pratt, suggested that his fame has been carefully contrived by Pratt's intentional and strategic manipulations of the media.  The article suggets, for instance, that Jenner dated Nicole Richie Pratt's insistence that it would win him publicity.  The article quotes Pratt advising Jenner: "All right, then here's what you're gonna do.  You're gonna start dating Nicole Richie.  And you're gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right?  You are about to become "The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat".  Process that shit, bro.  You'll be, like, a fucking hero t0 America." [5]  Jenner later said he was "horrified" about the way the article construed him and his relationship with Richie, whom he claimed to "genuinely love". [6]

Best sitcom plot device: Best friend tells you that your significant other is somehow disloyal but you think it's just jealousy.

Close second: Mistaken identity.

Most absurd insult: Boast biter.

Worst recent development in my life: Loss of spelling skills. 

Close second: Inablity to stop listening to Blackout.

American Psycho - Film and Novel

I recently finished reading the book American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis.  I also recently re-watched the film American Psycho.  My first reaction was that watching the movie was like reading the book in super fast forward.  Though the sequence of events is different, most of the major plot elements are there and save for a couple notable sequences, most of the dialogue and scenes do come directly from the novel. 

I don't mean for this post to degenerate into a clichéd discussion of whether the novel version or the film version of any given work is better.  Each have their strengths.  However, while I feel that identity is the most important theme of both versions of the work, the novel definitely emphasizes different aspects of the character of Patrick Bateman than the film, and this, unsurprisingly, is mostly due to the novel as a format.  

Some of the novel's important motifs, such as intense brand awareness, Bateman's latent racism, sexism, and homophobia, and Patty Winters are simply alluded to in the film, if at all. Furthermore, Ellis's tone, use of juxtaposition, and sentence structure work very well to convey Patrick Bateman's mental state; the film must use a different set of tools within a different artistic framework to accomplish these goals.  It does so mostly through Bale's performance.  His tone of voice, particularly in scenes where he discusses music, is particularly effective in conveying Bateman's inner desperation in contrast to his inner disarray.  

  

One last thing I'd like to note is the very linear structure of the film in contrast to the novel.  The reader senses that Bateman's life is a fog of drug use and mayhem [drug use, also, is much more prevalent in the novel] where five pages could describe five minutes or five months.  He is a wandering, aimless soul and thus the novel also wanders and takes many chronological hops, leaps, and jumps.  The film presents a much more coherent story arc.  Perhaps this is the necessary nature of a film meant for a commercial audience ["and therefore more satsifying in a narrower way."]

While this was the first novel by Bret Easton Ellis I've read, I greatly enjoyed it.  However, as is common with many well-written books, the film seems hollow when directly compared.  That is not to say that the film is bad.  However, in the sense that the film presents a particular interpretation of the novel and represents a radical shift in perspective [from Patrick Bateman's perspective in the novel to a more objective perspective in the film], the director's choices may disagree with one's own interpretation of the novel.  Anyway, I recommend that you both read the novel and see the film to reach your own conclusions.

Adieu Edmonds

So, Jimmy's gone.  And yea, there is a large part of me that wishes he could have spent his last days as a Redbird.  He was a part of the killer offensive squad in the 04-05 teams and no less essential in the 06 championship run.  Yet maybe it's just my heartless pragmatic mind, but I can't help but think that this move ultimately was the right thing to do.  Edmonds is 37 and makes $8 million a year.  He wanted to return to Southern California [and waived his no-trade clause to do so.]  He'll likely be replaced by a combination of Ankiel, Rasmus, and whoever TLR has on the bench.  It's a painful transaction, but a necessary one, as the aging parts of the 06 crew [who, in my opinion, were likely to be dismantled in the 06 offseason until that most improbable phenomenon] are one by one disposed with.  Eckstein just signed with Toronto, Rolen's misfortunes are considerable and public even if he doesn't get dealt, and TLR favorite Taguchi was recently let go.  These moves don't make me happy on an emotional level, but time is moving on, and that's business.  But take a moment to remember the best times of the greatest Cards outfielder in post-strike history.  

[In a related note, next year you can see former Redbird Dan Haren in the NL's ugliest uniform.]

Another reason why Hamburger Bahnhof is an awesome place

Check out this cool clock.

Hamburger Bahnhof is probably the most interesting, novel, and entertaining contemporary art museum I've ever visited. If you have the means... I highly recommend picking one [ticket to Berlin] up.